At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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