Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
