im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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