i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
