This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
