you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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