im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
