woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
