Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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