We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
