Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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