Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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