I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
