Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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