I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
