He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She bit a glass in half.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
