Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
