that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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