so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
