I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I need water and some morals
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
