I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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