I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
