im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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