he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
