Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
