Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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