Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
