Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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