she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
