it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize