i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I enjoy the company of your penis
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