I got chris browned last night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
