So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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