the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
