so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
