i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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