You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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