High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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