Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
