i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
