i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
