I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
