My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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