You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
