I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
