just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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