i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
