I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
