doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
