He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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