We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
