i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
