non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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