So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
