Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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