My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
