My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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