In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
