she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
