$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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