I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
