Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize