why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
