I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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