I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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