Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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