She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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