Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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