I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
