you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
