I think my vagina is haunted
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
