I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
